It has been a trying six weeks since surgery. I have had revelation after revelation in my personal and professional life and my head spins just to keep up. When I resumed my weight loss surgery journey I never imagined that the actual surgery would be so under whelming but it effects so utterly astounding.
So, when I began my pre-op diet I was 377lbs of beautiful. I have type II diabetes and lost my kidney 3 years ago. As a registered nurse I felt a bit pretentious with my patients, many of whom also struggle with managing diabetes and obesity. It cost me a few thousand and a lot of side eyes and the day seemed like it would never come for me. I began to wonder if I was really supposed to have this surgery. That was my first revelation: I was meant to be something more than what I was.
Now, five, almost six weeks after I am 50lbs lighter and weighing in at 327lbs. I found my way back to church, back to God, and back to family, which means a lot to me but finally is taking a back seat to my own life. Yet another revelation: If I don't put myself first then I won't be happy, only bitter because no one else thinks my happiness is important either.
The latest of these revelations was hurtful and frankly has made me more determined to make the changes in my life faster, wiser, and with more focus on all the things that made me overweight in the first place. A person who I never thought was a good person for my life, who right up until my surgery God was telling me to distance myself from, proved my intuition correct. Feeling threatened by my talent both as a nurse and as a likable person this demon decides to further themselves by throwing dirt on my character at work. They shared my personal facebook status with my director and expressed that I and several co-workers were negative influences to my work environment. Now this person didn't hurt me because I saw it coming. What hurt was that my director, after the four years I've worked for her chose to believe it. I have had repeated compliments from my patients, I have had even more from my coworkers and all the while felt incredibly trapped and depressed in my current position. To sit across from me and tell me I was at risk of "poisoning the floor with my negativity" was a slap in the face.
That night I went home and deleted about 20 of my coworkers. I knew even then that only one was guilty BUT it was the most important revelation to date. I have to let go of false friends and people poisoning MY LIFE. If I had to hover over their face debating and rehashing past encounters or if I didn't know them well enough to be sure then they weren't true friends and I don't want them jeopardizing my future endeavors/blessings.
This past weekend I received confirmation on who the demon was but I'm still keeping it to myself because putting them on Front Street also gives them the power over my life they craved. I am better than that and need to focus on moving forward. In the end, I knew long before the incident that my director didn't respect my talent and feels threatened by my potential. Given that, and her true character, it was not a nurturing environment and was never meant to be my final destination. If I had the confidence I have now I would have never signed on there to begin with and instead continued on to become an Oncology nurse. I can't say I regret the experience though because I have touched the lives of some pretty wonderful people as they have also touched mine. I must chalk it up to a lesson learned and keep it moving.
Continue to pray for me through this total renovation and I will continue to draw strength from all the love and support I can't help but feel.
One love,
Fat Girl
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