Trying to not make this a long drawn out post today but I did want to let every one that is following my success know that I have left the 300's behind me and weighed in this morning at 299.2 pounds. For those keeping track that is 78lbs down from my initial surgery weigh in of 377lbs and 82lbs down from my heaviest weight of 381lbs. I am about 5 days behind on reaching that goal but am in no way disappointed. It took a lifetime after all to gain and the amount I've lost thus far is astounding to consider in such a short period of time.
Stress is still playing a major factor in the rate of my weight loss and I continue to struggle with wrangling that aspect of my life. Like most Americans, food is cheap and easy. No one openly berates you for overeating. Most people don't even know about it unless you tell them.
A friend and I recently disagreed on this issue. While I do know that I clearly have a "fat gene" passed down from both sides of my family and while I do have a slew of co-morbidity including hormone imbalances, diabetes, asthma that limits activity, sleep apnea, depression, and indicators of an addictive personality; I do not say that couldn't help being morbidly obese. In fact, I chose to be morbidly obese. I am solely responsible for how out of control it became. Accepting this responsibility I also acknowledge that I am in control of everything I do now to reverse the damage I have done both mentally and physically to myself. This is important to me because accepting the role of victim...or in a nicer way...accepting a half truth, that being over weight can't be helped, in so many ways, handicaps you to moving forward. It gives you a crutch to fall back on and someone or something to blame when you fail to achieve weight loss goals.
This does not mean I find that friend, myself, or anyone else suffering with obesity a monster of some sort. In fact, people that struggle with obesity are some of the strongest people. It isn't something you can hide and most people judge you long before your story is told. Unfortunately, it does mean that I may hurt your feelings with my honesty at times. I don't see a way to not hurt someone's feelings on this subject but I apologize to anyone that has had their feelings hurt. Being obese is very painful in both mind and body and no one likes to think that they hurt themselves more than any other person could or has. Knowledge is power though and acknowledging is stamina that buoys that power.
I continue to struggle with staggering my drinking with meals. It is a hard habit to break and continues to be a painful lesson learned. I also struggle to eat not beef but pork rather. I hate to accept this but I may have to say so long to the swine. Fish and chicken are my friend. Bread is not. For that matter, most processed foods are not my friend. At this stage, I can eat whatever I want to eat, including desserts but I try to avoid eating anything but a liquid soup while at work because my stomach needs about an hour to eat most meals which I don't and will never have. I eat lean meat and only meat sometimes at meals because I focus on piling on the protein. Green veggies are good too and I am incorporating more of them. I take daily multivitamins, a gummy vitamin sold at Sam's Club for adults. I am supposed to be taking a Vitamin B12, Folate, D3 compound supplement but the taste makes me want to hurl. Instead I get B12 shots when I go to my primary, I drink zipfizz with these minerals/vitamins in it, and I focus on fish in my diet, particularly salmon for the D3 and Omega 3. I try to avoid taking as much medicine as possible, always have, and opt instead to naturally incorporate those things into my diet. We will see how this is working in September when I get a new set of labs. Maybe sooner than that as I recently completed a Health Screening for work and will get the results next week. I strongly advise people to consult their physician and not my blog for health information. I list my own information to give people, particularly those that have had weight loss surgery, direction. Not to play doctor.
Another thing I am still not quite "back to normal" with is my menstrual cycle. At first I thought it was late but now realize that it just is completely out of whack. This month I had two abbreviated cycles while the month before I had none. It wreaks havoc on the scale obviously. I'm not even going to talk about the emotional upheaval it causes! I do believe this is why it is recommended that I wait 18 months to 2 years before I become pregnant. While before, I didn't want children and paid little attention to that information, it now matters greatly to me. Before, I think I squashed down that dream because I didn't have a husband or a boyfriend. I didn't even have a hopeful candidate (still don't). Also, I didn't think I would be able to carry a pregnancy to full term due to how significantly overweight I was and if I did, they were at greater risk for birth defects. Who would knowingly desire a child knowing how dangerous it could be to you or the baby?
The hope never was fully extinguished though because now, as the pounds are shed, the desire burns brighter than it ever has before. The realization that I will reach my weight loss goals opens up new doors of possibility in both my career and my personal life and I confess to have the goal of someday giving life to a mini me a high priority. Lord help the man foolish enough to fall victim to these wiles ;-) Boy is he getting a handful! More importantly, I ask Father, that you point him in the right direction on the map to finding me ;-)
One love,
Not So Fat Girl
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Say "No" to Gyms!
Hello people! I am here to give you the first post of August and tell you I now weigh 307. That is the big 7....0...in weight loss! Yippee!
Alright, now that I have that out of the way, let me apologize for my crazy title. To assuage the feelings of my personal trainer friends and all my gym rat friends let me first clarify that I LOVE BEING A MEMBER OF A GYM! The problem was for me in the past that I never really have been able to partake of the gym. I have belonged to various gyms my whole adult life. I don't know if you guys recall but my first membership was to Spa Lady, an all female gym that even had pool access. I went twice. I belonged to two gyms at work. I think I may have went 4 times at HSBC, that was the most. I have a free gym at work now that I never seem to make before it closes and God forbid I go on a day off. I have belonged to Bailey's Gym in four locations twice. They are my favorite because they have the dark room that plays sports so I would get on the elliptical machine, pop on my headphones and watch all the hunkahunka men jump on the treadmills in front of me to get the best spot for the boob tube. Some even went topless. SQUEEEE! Alas, the first time was ruined by a mean Bosnian trainer who literally insulted me in front of the entire gym. It got so bad her manager came out and called her on it. The second time, I simply had no one to go with so it grew boring. It wasn't like super hot treadmill guys were jumping off and talking to me. Let's face it...big girl + sweat stains= not a good look. Finally I have been on a tight budget with my nephew and family trips and...eww...student loans so I went to Just Fitness where, well, I tried since it was cheaper but it just wasn't Bailey's. I will say that I have known many of my big girl counterparts who find success at the gym too. I worked with a nurse that simply looks amazing after probably a year of a strict diet and personal training sessions. I have friends that swear by it. A high school friend had to have lost 100lbs since and has kept it off by constantly hitting the gym. I have family that have lost weight and actually instruct classes at the gym. My closest nursing friend spends any time she's not at work in the gym and it brings her peace. My very best friend has been using the gym at work and she is really trimming down with a healthy diet. I am proud of all these people.
That being said, as much as I applaud them for doing it, I realized it is not right for me. I have posted before that I have to once again adapt and recreate myself. Some thing I tell people all the time and I apply to myself as well. "You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results.". No, if I want to become a healthier version of myself, the gym just isn't the answer FOR ME. I get mad at friends for not working out for one. I hate looking like the pathetic loner (insecurity speaking) at the gym and gym classes are worst because I have no rhythm. I have zero respect for most personal trainers as well (not all because there are some excellent ones out there too) because I am a nurse now and have been for four years. Just because I LOOK like I know nothing of healthy living doesn't mean I didn't pay attention in all the years of training. I have taken multiple nutrition classes and am well versed on cardiac, diabetic, and renal diets because I LIVE it. Some of the crap I have been advised to do from a personal trainer should be held up in a court of law as I sue them and the company that hired the ignoramus with a certificate. I also have come to accept that as much as I enjoyed the concept of toting around a gym key card, I HATE BEING INDOORS. I hate touching sweaty machines, staring at the back of people's heads, and that awful sweat and leather smell. I hate the loud thumping music or the dumb talk shows playing just above eye level. I hate not being able to wear whatever the hell I want because nothing ever looks good enough. I have always hated their torture devices and would force myself to go which ties back into the whole friends-not-going-then-I'm-not-going part. Again, this is not what everyone says but...it may be what they are thinking, maybe not. Whatever is going on in everyone else's mind, this girl is jumping off of the elliptical.
That brings me to my current dilemma. I need to be more active. After the first 4-6 months (November) I will have to work to continue to lose the weight. That's usually after the first 100-125lbs. Here is my resolution: I just need to live. Sounds simple right? One of the things about being fat all your life is there are plenty things I have never done. There are things that I have always wanted to do or been forced to set aside. These are the things I need to do to keep me losing weight. What do I mean?
Well, the last 15lbs have been lost simply by increasing my activity. I don't sit down. Even immediately after surgery I walked my ass off at Disney World...literally. My Aunt Tracy and I ran through Animal Kingdom one Sunday afternoon. It was awesome and my reward was that I rode a roller coaster (Everest) for the first time in 14 years. I lost 7lbs that trip! I walk every chance I get and I take the stairs whenever I can to the garage at work or I walk the incline into the garage. I was shocked to find I no longer get winded doing either task.
My nephew is a personal trainer of the first water. Keeping up with him is better than running around a small mirrored room with a weight ball any day. I am a little ashamed to say I use him but he loves the attention and time with auntie and I hope I can do it for years to come. I have swam more this summer, probably more than I have ever swam in my life. Not just at a measly pool either, I have swam in the big boy pool, which most people call an ocean. I initially was working on perfecting my skills because while I am a decent swimmer I am the weakest of my family who happen to be fish people. My competitive side has said I need to change that. I swim against the tide to work on this. I swim probably two to three times a week until it gets too cold.
I am working on purchasing a bike or roller skates. Here's the thing. I know how to ride a bike, my father taught me so it's very special to me. I never quite got the hang of roller skates. I want to though. I've always wanted to disco dance with my Uncle Karl (who has a bad knee now) on some skates. Again, my whole family knows how to skate. I am the weakest link once more. I don't want to consider that the ship has sailed but how badly bruised will I become trying to defy my age and gravity? Only time will tell and with either choice I will need lots of prayers.
I still walk and will be working on my sprint since I bet my baby brother that once I'm back down to fighting size next year I will be the sprinter I was at 14, the one that could ALMOST lick her brothers, before the asthma kicked in. Competition is a big influence and a bigger demon in my gut until I beat him. No exchange of money though, he says he will swear off cigarettes FINALLY if I beat him. You should all, of course, cheer for me.
Lastly, once I reach 250lbs I want to join some dance classes and/or a martial arts class with my best friend. I feel like I took her away from that at 16 (martial arts) and turned on to working, eating, and a forever partner to watch movies with. I want to learn more grace and either one of these can do it. Even if I thoroughly regret this promise to myself later I won't regret having a second chance to taste life and experience all the stuff I've missed out on and that beats the dang gym any day.
I'm an honest soul so if I realize that this is not working I will enlist the help of a GREAT personal trainer and recant my above statements about the gym but for now. I'm swearing them off in lieu of a more fulfilling routine called "making up for lost time"!
Until the next time,
Fat Girl
Alright, now that I have that out of the way, let me apologize for my crazy title. To assuage the feelings of my personal trainer friends and all my gym rat friends let me first clarify that I LOVE BEING A MEMBER OF A GYM! The problem was for me in the past that I never really have been able to partake of the gym. I have belonged to various gyms my whole adult life. I don't know if you guys recall but my first membership was to Spa Lady, an all female gym that even had pool access. I went twice. I belonged to two gyms at work. I think I may have went 4 times at HSBC, that was the most. I have a free gym at work now that I never seem to make before it closes and God forbid I go on a day off. I have belonged to Bailey's Gym in four locations twice. They are my favorite because they have the dark room that plays sports so I would get on the elliptical machine, pop on my headphones and watch all the hunkahunka men jump on the treadmills in front of me to get the best spot for the boob tube. Some even went topless. SQUEEEE! Alas, the first time was ruined by a mean Bosnian trainer who literally insulted me in front of the entire gym. It got so bad her manager came out and called her on it. The second time, I simply had no one to go with so it grew boring. It wasn't like super hot treadmill guys were jumping off and talking to me. Let's face it...big girl + sweat stains= not a good look. Finally I have been on a tight budget with my nephew and family trips and...eww...student loans so I went to Just Fitness where, well, I tried since it was cheaper but it just wasn't Bailey's. I will say that I have known many of my big girl counterparts who find success at the gym too. I worked with a nurse that simply looks amazing after probably a year of a strict diet and personal training sessions. I have friends that swear by it. A high school friend had to have lost 100lbs since and has kept it off by constantly hitting the gym. I have family that have lost weight and actually instruct classes at the gym. My closest nursing friend spends any time she's not at work in the gym and it brings her peace. My very best friend has been using the gym at work and she is really trimming down with a healthy diet. I am proud of all these people.
That being said, as much as I applaud them for doing it, I realized it is not right for me. I have posted before that I have to once again adapt and recreate myself. Some thing I tell people all the time and I apply to myself as well. "You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results.". No, if I want to become a healthier version of myself, the gym just isn't the answer FOR ME. I get mad at friends for not working out for one. I hate looking like the pathetic loner (insecurity speaking) at the gym and gym classes are worst because I have no rhythm. I have zero respect for most personal trainers as well (not all because there are some excellent ones out there too) because I am a nurse now and have been for four years. Just because I LOOK like I know nothing of healthy living doesn't mean I didn't pay attention in all the years of training. I have taken multiple nutrition classes and am well versed on cardiac, diabetic, and renal diets because I LIVE it. Some of the crap I have been advised to do from a personal trainer should be held up in a court of law as I sue them and the company that hired the ignoramus with a certificate. I also have come to accept that as much as I enjoyed the concept of toting around a gym key card, I HATE BEING INDOORS. I hate touching sweaty machines, staring at the back of people's heads, and that awful sweat and leather smell. I hate the loud thumping music or the dumb talk shows playing just above eye level. I hate not being able to wear whatever the hell I want because nothing ever looks good enough. I have always hated their torture devices and would force myself to go which ties back into the whole friends-not-going-then-I'm-not-going part. Again, this is not what everyone says but...it may be what they are thinking, maybe not. Whatever is going on in everyone else's mind, this girl is jumping off of the elliptical.
That brings me to my current dilemma. I need to be more active. After the first 4-6 months (November) I will have to work to continue to lose the weight. That's usually after the first 100-125lbs. Here is my resolution: I just need to live. Sounds simple right? One of the things about being fat all your life is there are plenty things I have never done. There are things that I have always wanted to do or been forced to set aside. These are the things I need to do to keep me losing weight. What do I mean?
Well, the last 15lbs have been lost simply by increasing my activity. I don't sit down. Even immediately after surgery I walked my ass off at Disney World...literally. My Aunt Tracy and I ran through Animal Kingdom one Sunday afternoon. It was awesome and my reward was that I rode a roller coaster (Everest) for the first time in 14 years. I lost 7lbs that trip! I walk every chance I get and I take the stairs whenever I can to the garage at work or I walk the incline into the garage. I was shocked to find I no longer get winded doing either task.
My nephew is a personal trainer of the first water. Keeping up with him is better than running around a small mirrored room with a weight ball any day. I am a little ashamed to say I use him but he loves the attention and time with auntie and I hope I can do it for years to come. I have swam more this summer, probably more than I have ever swam in my life. Not just at a measly pool either, I have swam in the big boy pool, which most people call an ocean. I initially was working on perfecting my skills because while I am a decent swimmer I am the weakest of my family who happen to be fish people. My competitive side has said I need to change that. I swim against the tide to work on this. I swim probably two to three times a week until it gets too cold.
I am working on purchasing a bike or roller skates. Here's the thing. I know how to ride a bike, my father taught me so it's very special to me. I never quite got the hang of roller skates. I want to though. I've always wanted to disco dance with my Uncle Karl (who has a bad knee now) on some skates. Again, my whole family knows how to skate. I am the weakest link once more. I don't want to consider that the ship has sailed but how badly bruised will I become trying to defy my age and gravity? Only time will tell and with either choice I will need lots of prayers.
I still walk and will be working on my sprint since I bet my baby brother that once I'm back down to fighting size next year I will be the sprinter I was at 14, the one that could ALMOST lick her brothers, before the asthma kicked in. Competition is a big influence and a bigger demon in my gut until I beat him. No exchange of money though, he says he will swear off cigarettes FINALLY if I beat him. You should all, of course, cheer for me.
Lastly, once I reach 250lbs I want to join some dance classes and/or a martial arts class with my best friend. I feel like I took her away from that at 16 (martial arts) and turned on to working, eating, and a forever partner to watch movies with. I want to learn more grace and either one of these can do it. Even if I thoroughly regret this promise to myself later I won't regret having a second chance to taste life and experience all the stuff I've missed out on and that beats the dang gym any day.
I'm an honest soul so if I realize that this is not working I will enlist the help of a GREAT personal trainer and recant my above statements about the gym but for now. I'm swearing them off in lieu of a more fulfilling routine called "making up for lost time"!
Until the next time,
Fat Girl
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